According to Oxford University, women typically shed two close friends when entering a healthy romantic relationship.
Yes, you heard that right.
Research shows most of us maintain about five ride-or-die friendships, and when a new partner comes into the picture, that number drops to four, with the partner often taking up one of those spaces.
Dr. Robin Dunbar, the anthropologist behind the study, explained that this phenomenon is less about friendship drama and more about real-life choices. When you’re in that exciting, intensive coupling phase, your time and emotional bandwidth shift, and some connections naturally fade. (psychologytoday.com)
Let that sink in: it’s not them, and it’s not you.
It’s the math of time and attention. You’re showing up differently, and sometimes, that ripple effect hits hardest in your crew.
This reality hit home in everyday life.
Women in Oxford’s survey said the “missing” friendships simply happened because they were too tired to maintain every brunch, catch-up, or vent session.
Your partner becomes one of your confidants, and sometimes, old friendships can’t keep up.
But here’s the flip side: many people reported making one new close friend, often through their partner’s social circle.
So yes, you may leave friendships behind… but you’re also gaining chances to walk into fresh, meaningful connections.
This doesn’t mean friendship has to suffer. Recent coverage reminds us: having strong friendships boosts our mental health more than even romantic relationships sometimes can.
It also calls us to ask: how can we balance romance and sisterhood?
So, how do we do friendship and love, without losing ourselves?
- Be intentional: Schedule time for your girls. Show up like your own joy depends on it….because it does.
- Communicate: Your friends aren’t mind readers. Let them know when you’re slipping and that you still care.
- Invite cross-connections: Introduce your partner to your crew and vice versa. Shared moments deepen individual bonds.
- Reflect and rebuild: If you feel that friendships are fading, acknowledge it and be open to rekindling them. Friendships can be flexible.
