As someone with an anxious attachment style and a touch of Scorpio flair, I’ve always had a problem with just “allowing” things to happen.
Whenever I set my sights on a goal – be it a job, partner, or even the last piece of meat in the pot – I don’t just want it; I become completely consumed by the idea of having it. Consequences be damned.
Take this one time I applied for a job I convinced myself would be my escape from the broque-ville monotony. I poured every ounce of energy into my application, rehearsed my interview responses like a hostage negotiator, and even added some affirmations for good measure (you know, cosmic insurance).
In my mind, I was already living the dream, and nothing could change my perspective.
So, when the rejection email hit my inbox, it felt like a personal attack. I spiraled—questioning my worth, rereading that email a hundred times for hidden clues, and berating myself for not being “enough.”
And don’t even get me started on my love life. Every time I met someone I deemed “the one,” I would go full-on Amy Dunne—manipulating situations, sliding into depression over unmet expectations, and eventually launching into my “Men are trash” soliloquy.
To put it plainly, I was a hot mess.
It wasn’t until my best friend, deep into her Abraham Hicks era, staged an intervention that I began to see the pattern. She pointed out how my obsessive need for control and micromanagement only fueled my anxiety and self-worth issues.
At first, I resisted—the idea that I was my own worst enemy didn’t sit well with me—but her words struck a chord, prompting me to pick up Abraham Hicks’ masterpiece, *The Art of Allowing*.
And when I tell you, it was like discovering a cheat code to life…gurl. It changed me.
One particularly powerful quote that transformed my perspective on everything read: “The universe is not punishing or blessing you. The universe is simply responding to the vibrational attitude that you are emitting.”
I’ll let that sink in for a moment.
It made me realize I wasn’t just my own enemy. I was my own saboteur, director, and critic all rolled into one.
My need for control and obsession with getting things “perfect” was barring my manifestations. The energy I was projecting into the universe—desperation, frustration, and anxiety (which are a product of obsessive control)—was attracting more of those same.
I learned that true manifestation isn’t just about visualizing what you want and working tirelessly to achieve it; it’s also about creating space for your desires to unfold. And the only way to do that is to let go of control, fear, and the need to make things happen on your terms.
So, if this resonates with you, or you want to learn how to embrace the art of allowing in 2025, below are very practical tips on how to transform that “obsessive control energy” and embrace the life you truly deserve.
Related: 7 Strong Signs Of Blocked Feminine Energy And How To Nurture It Back To Wholesomeness
It Starts With Understanding
Mastering the art of allowing doesn’t happen overnight. The first step is to uncover the root of your need for control. You need to ask yourself:
- Where does your drive for control originate?
- Are there unresolved childhood wounds?
- Did your caregivers foster a perfectionistic or controlled environment?
- Do you have an anxious or insecure attachment style?
- Are there underlying issues that have you grasping for control?
Once you discover that issues like these are the root of your need for control, then you can start making progress.
According to Joy From Fear by Dr. Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D., deep-rooted, unresolved issues often exacerbate life’s uncertainties – and this can trigger an unconscious drive to have more control over every aspect of your life
Ask Yourself How You Relate To The Art Of Allowing
If control isn’t your primary issue, you need to start taking inventory of your relationship with the concept of “allowing.” Here are some reflective questions:
- How do you feel about the idea of allowing?
- How comfortable are you with letting things and people be as they are while waiting for your desires to manifest?
- In what areas of your life do you struggle most with allowing things to unfold naturally?
- How do you react when you attempt to force outcomes or situations?
- Can you accept discomfort without an immediate urge to fix it?
- Do you tend to worry excessively, and how does that relate to your ability to allow?
Mike Robbins, best-selling author and personal growth expert, suggests that most of us comprehend the art of allowing but struggle to practice it.
So, to fully embrace this concept, you need to be 100% honest with yourself about how you relate to the art of allowing and recognize its impact on your life.
What You Hold On Too Tightly, You Will Lose
Have you noticed how things tend to happen when you stop obsessing over them?
That payment notification pops up when you’re no longer checking your phone every five minutes. That work email arrives when you stop refreshing your page every other second. When you finally start enjoying your single life and stop worrying about finding someone, all of a sudden, everyone’s in your DMs.
That’s exactly what happens when you detach from the grips of control and embrace the art of allowing. When you let go, you not only create space for your desires to unfold, but you also speed up your manifestations—things start flowing with ease.
Law of Attraction Coach Abraham Hicks calls it “flowing downstream.”
Imagine trying to swim upstream vs. downstream. It’s undoubtedly tiring to fight against the current while drifting with it feels so much more effortless. When we stop clinging tightly and instead go with the flow (start allowing things to happen), life becomes not only easier but also more enjoyable.
Related: Everything You Need To Know About The Viral “Scripting” Manifestation Method
Focus On Only What You Can Control
Letting go can be tough. Whether it’s a job, friendship, or relationship, wanting something so bad can make it feel impossible to loosen your grip. But the hard truth is, you can’t control your way to happiness—and you definitely can’t control people.
People will always stay, leave, or love you on their own terms. And the only thing you can ever control is how you respond to those moments and how you take care of yourself in the process.
So instead of pouring your energy into things you can’t change, redirect it to things that build you up. Work on your self-confidence by trying out new hobbies or hitting the gym.
Open yourself up to new love by participating in events or activities that make you genuinely happy.
Land your dream job by updating your resume, networking, and leveling up your skills. When you focus on things you can control, you create space for new opportunities and more joy to flow into your life.
Create An Allowing Practice
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Like any skill worth mastering in life, embracing the art of allowing requires consistent practice. Think of it like prayer, meditation, or affirmations – you constantly need to implement it in your daily life to shift your mindset and energy.
And here is an EmilyCottontop-approved way to build a foolproof allowing practice:
- Set Intentions Daily
For the next six months, make sure to start your day by focusing your awareness on the art of allowing.
Remind yourself to accept people as they are, trust that life is unfolding as it should, and believe that the experiences, relationships, and outcomes you desire are already on their way.
- Trust The Process
Pay attention to when you feel the need to control, fix, or force situations. In those moments, take a deep breath and choose to let go. Tell yourself, “I trust the process, and I’m open to receiving what’s meant for me.”
It works, Trust me.
- Practice Gratitude
It’s also vital to cultivate a sense of gratitude for where you are and what you have right now.
This not only keeps your focus on the positive but also makes it easier to allow things to happen freely. Not to mention, it signals to the universe that you’re ready to receive more.
As Abraham Hicks says, “When you feel gratitude, you are the closest to the natural state you were born to live in.”
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- Visualize With Trust, Not Obsession
Visualization is a powerful tool – but the key is to visualize with a sense of trust, patience, and faith, not desperate attachment.
- Seek Guidance And Support
Don’t hesitate to lean on trusted friends, mentors, or even spiritual guides if you’re struggling with allowing.
Sometimes, an outside perspective can help you see where you might be holding on too tightly or resisting the flow.
- End Your Day With Reflection
Lastly, take a few moments before retiring to bed to reflect on areas where you allowed things to happen vs where you tried to control them. Celebrate your progress and set the intention to improve tomorrow.
The Takeaway
The art of allowing is an essential aspect of life and growth and a critical aspect of success and fulfillment.
When we’re able to allow people, things, and situations to be as they are without judging them, trying to fix them, or wanting them to be some other way than how they actually are, we manifest things into reality and open up a space for real change and transformation to occur (if that is what we want).
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