We’ve come a long way, haven’t we? Divorcees aren’t cast out, birth control is a game-changer, and harmful practices like Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) are slowly fading into history.
But despite all this progress, nothing quite prepares you for the whispers, side-eyes, and judgment that rain down when you make one simple choice: to live child-free.
I am a 30-year-old child-free firstborn whose younger sister has a six-year-old. Yeah, if you’re from an African household, you can see where I’m going with this, right?
I’ve been called selfish, questioned by strangers, told I don’t know what I’m missing, and, of course, the kicker, “Are you even a woman if you don’t have a child?”
Sis, is your uterus your validation? Cause mine’s doing just fine.
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— Zulema (@zulemaaa) September 12, 2024
There’s so much scrutiny and judgment aimed at women who choose not to have kids. When men opt out? Crickets. They’re “playboys,” living their best lives. But us? Our wombs get put on trial, our dignity stomped on, and our womanhood questioned from morning to night.
Honestly, being child-free by choice comes with a whole lot of unsolicited opinions. And no matter how evolved we think society is, people still feel entitled to ask the most invasive questions. I’ve heard them all, and I’m sure if you’ve made this choice, you have too.
So, if you’re guilty of saying any of these, I’m here to set you straight. And if you’re on the receiving end? Sis, consider this your clap-back guide.
Let’s get onto it, shall we?
Who’s Going to Take Care of You When You’re Old?
Ah, yes, because apparently, the only reason to have kids is to secure a future retirement plan. Do people seriously have kids just to guarantee a caretaker? As if those kids won’t have lives of their own?
Look, I’ll take care of my parents when they’re old. I’m not heartless. But the idea of having a child just to ensure I’ve got someone to lean on when the wrinkles set in? That feels selfish.
Kids are supposed to grow, spread their wings, and live their own lives. But then again, I am a child-free woman. What do I know?
As for who will take care of me, I’ll figure it out.
Maybe I’ll enjoy life in a cute retirement community with shuffleboard tournaments, or better yet, do what the kids are doing nowadays and build a house next to my besties. We’ll throw bashes and cookouts until we all croak. But it won’t be because I had kids for backup.
Child-Free Huh? What’s Your Purpose as A Woman Then?
Excuse me? Is my worth really measured by how many kids I have? Last I checked, I’m thriving and finding purpose in my own way.
Sure, some argue that procreation is our main purpose, but God also gave us the gift of choice. I’m pretty sure God wouldn’t want anyone to do something they don’t truly want.
As Tracee Ellis Ross wisely put it:
“The husband and the babies are the expectation of what’s supposed to happen at a certain point, and people fall back on, ‘Well, that’s the point of the human species, procreation.’ And I’m, like, ‘I think there are a lot of babies, isn’t that part of what’s going wrong, there’s too many?’ Some people could be working on the world being a better place, or just being happy.”
And just to be clear, this is my perspective—no judgment here. This article is all about respecting each other’s choices, right?
You’ll Probably Change Your Mind – You Wait!
Ah, yes, the classic assumption that my uterus will suddenly start calling the shots once I hit a certain age.
Newsflash: Women are allowed to make decisions that stick! Just like I know I’m not into pineapple on pizza, I also know I’m not interested in motherhood. Shocking, I know.
BTW, just to let you know, it really stings when someone dismisses your decision as if it’s flippant or meaningless.
Often, this reaction is more about them projecting their own life choices onto you. But real talk. When a woman tells you what she wants, like being child-free, believe her.
But Don’t You Want a Family?
Spoiler alert: I already have one.
IMO, family isn’t defined by the number of kids you have. It’s the connections, the people you love, and the community you build around you. Whether it’s with a partner, friends, pets, or just living life on your terms, my family is just fine, thank you very much.
And dare I say, though I don’t owe anyone an explanation, I’m deeply involved in my nephew’s life, from spending time with him during summer vacations to influencing his values and how he treats others.
I remember a time when my toxic ex said some hurtful things, and my nephew, with his young but perceptive heart, looked me dead in the eye and asked me why I let someone talk to me that way. It wasn’t just about what he said but how he cared enough to question it.
That moment reminded me that my contributions to his upbringing—instilling compassion and respect—are valuable. Seeing him grow into a thoughtful and emotionally aware young man can as well be my greatest contribution to society.
For me, that’s more than enough.
Related: According To A Recent Study – Unmarried Women Without Children Are The Happiest And Healthiest
You Know Kids Teach You to Be Responsible? Like You See Where Your Money Is Going
Oh, absolutely. Because apparently, until I have a child, I’m just mindlessly tossing my money into a black hole. Got it.
And excuse me, ma’am. Oprah Winfrey is a child-free billionaire. There’s also Tracee Ellis Ross, Miley Cyrus, and a host of powerful women who chose the child-free life and are living it up. Did their money skills just vanish?
Being responsible isn’t a parent-exclusive club. You don’t need kids to figure out how to manage your money wisely. Trust me, if I’m mismanaging my funds, it’s all on me and not because I don’t have a kid.
How Will You Fill Your Time If You’re Child-Free?
Hmm… let’s see. I’ve got dreams of exploring Greece, Thailand, Peru, and Namibia and pretty much becoming a global trotter.
On top of that, I’m working on a true crime podcast, writing will always be my passion, and I’ve got a mountain of recipes I’m eager to try.
Who knows? I might even channel my inner Nathan Fillion (a la John Nolan in The Rookie) and join the FBI or whatever futuristic crime-fighting agency pops up in 2050. With AI taking over, we might need to sharpen our skills just to keep up!
There’s a whole world out there, and time flies when you’re living (your child-free life) it to the fullest.
Are You Going to Freeze Your Eggs Just in Case?
My pretty traditional mum actually asked me this recently. At first, I was impressed by her open-mindedness, but after giving it some thought, I realized freezing my eggs just doesn’t align with my current life plans. I’m not feeling any panic or fear about my decision.
I appreciate the concern, but it’s important to stop projecting fears onto those of us who’ve chosen a child-free path. We’ve thought this through and are perfectly happy with our lives as they are.
Are You One of Those Dog/Cat Mums? Or Is It Plant Mama?
Yes, I adore my pets and plants. But does that somehow make my life less valid? I don’t see the issue here.
And if we’re being honest, considering I can’t even keep a cactus alive (seriously, who kills a cactus?), maybe my child-free choice is for the best.
If It’s Natural Birth You’re Afraid Of, You Know CS Is an Option?
Oh, sweetie, my chid-free choice isn’t about avoiding pain—it’s about living the life I want; not what others think I should.
And FYI, you do know that most doctors frown on C-sections, right? I actually came across a piece in The New York Times the other day that revealed how some doctors have been performing unnecessary C-sections on Black women just to fill operating room quotas.
How awful is that? It’s really disheartening to think some doctors might risk your life for financial gain. But sadly, that’s the world we currently live in.
Aren’t You Worried You’re Never Going To Experience True Love?
So, love only comes from children? I want to think my heart can give and receive TRUE love in many forms beyond motherhood.
My life is rich with love in various shapes and spaces. Why limit its definition?
What Is Your Husband’s Family Going to Think?
Funny you ask, but they don’t get a say in what happens with my uterus. Spoiler: neither do you.
My choices are mine alone, and no one gets a vote in what’s right for my body and my life. Periodt!
What are some invasive questions people have asked you as a child-free woman?
Share with us in the comments!
