Let’s talk labels.
Those pesky little boxes we’re shoved into from the moment we start “showing our personality.” You know—the sticky, annoying kind that get slapped on us from childhood and seem to cling to us like unwanted glitter?
Mine? “Blonde.” A seemingly harmless word that morphed into a suffocating label that shadowed my life.
It all started in primary school when I was chatting with friends, trying to be part of the conversation, and I innocently mentioned something about “coconut chaffings” instead of “shavings.” The room erupted in laughter, with one girl jokingly saying, “OMG, Tess (short for Teresa), you’re such a blonde!”
Another time, because my mom wouldn’t allow us access to the internet (“it’ll corrupt your minds”), when guys were talking about connecting devices and sharing music, one person mentioned doing it via Bluetooth. Because I was uninformed, I went, “Isn’t that like a dental condition or something?” Imagine my embarrassment when I found out the truth. To this day, some of those guys still call me Bluetooth.
Fast-forward to university (“Go Movers!”), and that label still hung over me like a dark cloud. I remember volunteering to write the script for a short film our class was producing. Writing has always been my passion, and I was brimming with excitement to take on the challenge.
But when our professor called out my name, my classmates (who I thought were my friends) laughed. “Tess, do you even know how to write a script?” one of them asked with a smirk that made my stomach turn. “Joy, you know Tess is a blonde.” You might have to explain some stuff to her,” another chimed in, her tone dripping with condescension.
Yup, I was a blonde, and it didn’t matter that I loved writing or even that I was good at it. All they saw was that label.
And even though I know I’m not dumb, those labels and the constant ridicule still haunt me as an adult. I’m a writer now—a damn good one at that (take that, smirky classmate!)—but the imposter syndrome still lingers. I second-guess every word, beat myself up when a post doesn’t perform as I’d hoped, and sometimes wonder, “Am I really good at this, or were they right? Am I just fooling myself?”
Breaking Free
But I’ve been learning to silence them.
Thanks to therapy, a boss who constantly sees my worth, friends who think I deserve a Pulitzer and a family that supports me unconditionally have made all the difference. But the most important part of my journey has been the work I’ve been doing to shed these labels.
And I know I’m not alone in this.
As a Black woman, I’ve seen how our community is often boxed into labels that strip away at our femininity and individuality. We’re labeled as:
- mammies – asexual, nurturing, self-sacrificing, only exist to serve the needs of others,
- Jezebels – hypersexual, seductive, only exists to exploit men’s weaknesses,
- Sapphires – aggressive, angry, emasculating, loud, stubborn, money-hungry.
These labels aren’t just frustrating – they’re toxic. They attempt to reduce our complexity, our emotions, and our experiences into simplistic, harmful stereotypes that have had real consequences on so many women. They try to make us smaller, doubt our worth, and chip at our confidence.
But just like I’m learning to shed my society-given labels, we as Black women can—and must—break free from these suffocating boxes. Because these toxic labels are not our destiny. We are beautiful, complex and multi-faceted individuals who somehow someday (hey, Kamala) are going to make this world better.
But first, we must shed the labels.
How To Shed Toxic Labels
Shedding a label that’s stuck with you throughout your life is like trying to peel off a stubborn sticker without leaving residue. It’s difficult, painful, and often leaves you feeling exposed. I’ve slipped up countless times, accidentally referring to myself as a “blonde” when I didn’t get the reference to something.
But while self-deprecating humor is an incredible coping mechanism, it reinforces the very label we’re trying to escape.
As my therapist would say, to truly break free from these toxic society-given labels, you need to start choosing new ones that match your worth, personality, and aspirations. It’s like manifesting, really.
To do this, you need to:
1. Identify The Labels You’re Attached To: False ones that have impacted your life and never let anyone know affected you, but they do. These can be lazy, perfectionist, loud, bitchy, damaged, not smart enough, unlovable, placeholder, blonde, coward, too young, too old, voice for radio, boring, etc.
2. Reflect On Their Impact: Take a moment and examine these labels. How have they shaped the way you see yourself? Have they held you back in any way? Do they still affect you to this day?
3. Replace Them With The Truth (Or Your Truth): Who are you? Are you lazy, a chronic procrastinator, or are you too afraid of failing that you keep putting things off? You’re not angry, sis. You’re just passionate and assertive. If you’ve been called ditzy, a blonde, affirm that you’re intelligent and capable. Write down these affirmations and read them daily.
Here’s a visual guide to help you out:
4. Surround Yourself with Positivity: Surround yourself with people who see your worth, uplift and remind you of your brilliance. Their support can be a powerful antidote to the negativity of labels.
5. Do the Work: Finally, do the inner work. Whether it’s through therapy, journaling, meditation, or simply talking with a trusted friend, find a way to process and heal from the damage those labels have caused.
That’s it. You might have to do more, but for now, all you need to break free from those disempowering labels is that simple.
Related: 4 Mental Blocks Stopping You From Reaching Best Self Status
So, here’s to breaking free, reclaiming our narratives, and living our truth.
Whenever I catch myself doubting my worth, I remember that I’m not defined by anyone else’s perceptions. I’m the author of my own story. And so are you. Let’s write a new chapter—one where we choose our own labels, or better yet, choose to live label-free.
What labels are you shedding today? Let us know in the comments.
