So, we’ve all decided to change our lives in the last three months of the year and I love that for us! As I mentioned in my last post, I absolutely love Winter Arc season because it gives us the perfect excuse to kick ourselves into high gear.
But I know some of you who are taking this seriously might still be wondering where to start.
Laying the foundation is everything.
So if you’ve been struggling with *“the how”…*how to close the gap between the old you and the version you’re working toward….keep reading.
What is cognitive dissonance?
Cognitive dissonance is the discomfort that comes when your actions, self-image, and beliefs don’t fully align.
In the context of personal growth, it shows up when:
Your brain is used to “old you” (habits, identity, environment).
But you’re reaching for “new you” (discipline, success, transformation).
Using myself as an example, I struggle with balancing everything I have to do, between business, personal life, and wellness goals, which leads the stress and derailment.
My ‘new self’ doesn’t beat myself up about it, but rather she’ focuses on building systems that will prevent failure. My new self also permits not having it together every day and figuring out ways to compensate for shortcomings. My new self will build a system and practice in that system daily, until it sticks.
My Goal?
Close the loops, which means reducing or eliminating that dissonance so that my actions and identity match. Instead of living in the uncomfortable middle ground.
This way, all of what I believe I should be perfectly aligns with my behavior, and my self-story my brain will eventually accept the new me as TRUTH.
Your Guide to Closing The Loop
1. Identify the Gap
Write down the difference between “old you” and “new you.”
Old me: snoozes alarm five times.
New me: gets up at 6:30 AM and stretches before coffee.
Once you see the gap on paper, the dissonance becomes something you can actually work with.
2. Challenge the Old Identity
Remind yourself: your brain isn’t loyal to your potential, it’s loyal to your patterns. Just because you’ve been a certain way doesn’t mean you are that way forever.
3. Lead with Behavior, Not Feelings
Don’t wait until you “feel like it.” Action trains identity. Every time you choose the behavior of the new you, you’re literally rewiring your brain to accept this as normal.
4. Rewrite Your Self-Story
Language matters. Stop saying, “I’m trying to…” and start saying, “I am the type of person who…” This closes the identity loop faster than any vision board ever could.
5. Reinforce the New You
Surround yourself with proof: journals, progress trackers, affirmations, people who reflect the identity you’re stepping into.
For example:
Health (evenings are your weak spot)
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Identity: I am the kind of person who closes the kitchen by 8:00 pm.
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Keystone: Prep protein snack at 6:30 pm; chamomile tea at 8:00 pm.
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If–Then: If I want to snack after 8:00, then I drink tea and set a 10-minute timer.
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Environment: No snacks visible; tea kit on the counter; lights dim at 8:00.
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Evidence: Nightly for “kitchen closed”; weekly bedtime average.
Work (procrastination)
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Identity: I am the kind of person who produces before I consume.
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Keystone: 25-minute Focus Sprint on the top task before opening email/social.
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If–Then: If I reach for my phone, then I start the 2-minute version of the task.
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Environment: Phone in another room; task doc pinned and open; site blockers on.
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Evidence: Count of focused minutes; shipped outputs per week.
The brain loves evidence!
Give it receipts!
Cognitive dissonance is not your enemy. It’s a sign that you’re stretching, evolving, and creating a version of yourself your old patterns can’t recognize yet.
Closing the loop is about shrinking the distance between who you say you are and how you show up every single day.
Because when your actions, beliefs, and identity finally line up……. That’s when change stops feeling like a struggle and starts feeling like normal.
