As spring approaches, we turn our focus to cleaning things out in order to start anew.
Throwing months and years worth of old things out of our closets; sweeping and mopping every corner of our homes; and even updating our furniture and home decor.
And while freeing ourselves from the mess of the last few months or years by doing some serious decluttering and releasing is a wonderful way to start the seasonal new year, what are we going to do about all that junk lying dormant in your emotions?
Yes girl, it’s time to give your emotional life a spring cleaning.
You’ve been holding on to all types of nonsense that is no longer serving you, or anyone else’s, highest good.
So let’s take a look at your emotional life and the people, places, memories, and things in it—what needs to go?
Reassess your relationships—are they toxic?
Toxic friends, family members, and significant others are one of the biggest influences on the quality of your everyday life.
When you’re constantly in stressful or tense situations with them, it can have a seriously harmful impact on your mental and emotional wellbeing.
So right now, at this very moment, ask yourself: are any of my relationships toxic or consistently engaging in toxic behaviors? If so, time to do some cleaning! Some examples:
- Topics based in drama and gossip are at the core of most of your conversations when you do speak to each other.
- There’s trouble keeping healthy and respectful boundaries in place (i.e. calling at inappropriate times or regularly flaking on plans or showing up late)
- Initially bonding over difficult or traumatic situations and now revisiting pain is the only source of connection that you currently share.
- Frenemy energy. Backhanded compliments, generally unsupportive or judgemental, or constantly sharing negative, unsolicited opinions.
If any of these resonate with you and one (or a few!) of your personal relationships, your spring cleaning needs to start there. This doesn’t mean you need to cut everybody off!
However, it does mean some serious conversations need to take place if you want healthier relationships. And in the end, you and only you decide if these relationships are worth it.
What from your past are you unnecessarily holding on to?
Everybody likes to revisit their past from time to time, but some things don’t really need to hold real estate in our minds as much as they do.
This part of emotional spring cleaning is less about removing people and things and more about releasing our grip on them.
And I’m not talking about deeply traumatic experiences like abuse or neglect.
Those experiences can take years to heal and work through and should be done with the help of a professional that specializes in mental and emotional health.
I’m talking about that time your homegirl stole your outfit idea for your birthday last year, and so now you’re overly skeptical of other female friends.
Or your high school crush rejecting you and so now you’re afraid to approach men first at 27 years old.
Ask yourself: is holding on to this experience actually serving me or is it hindering me? If it’s holding you back, then it’s time to pack it up and clean it right on out, sis.
Do you engage in any harmful emotional patterns?
Harmful emotional patterns are a little harder to get through because it requires us to be really honest in our assessment of ourselves.
We can be wonderful women and still, sometimes, something in the milk ain’t clean. And that’s ok.
We’re not expected to be perfect, but we should always strive toward growth. And that starts with us looking at the shortcomings within ourselves—starting with those unhealthy emotional habits.
Again, they can be a bit difficult to pinpoint. So here’s a quick self check-in list to help you gauge some harmful behaviors you may potentially have to clean up:
- Giving people ultimatums or silent treatment when you have an issue with them instead of having a solutions-oriented conversation.
- Using your emotions to manipulate or guilt-trip others into certain decisions.
- Being selfish when it comes to empathy; expecting others to understand you, but you don’t even attempt to understand them.
- Codependency; relying too much on others because you’re uncomfortable alone.
Healing isn’t linear and isn’t something that needs to take happen overnight. All you truly need to do is put effort into becoming the person you want to be.
So this spring, start by cleaning out that emotional closet.
