A second Trump presidency has awoken, for many, and especially Black women, a deep distrust in their country and fellow Americans.
Hateful rhetoric from purported supporters of the president-elect has been rampant on Facebook and X (formerly Twitter), targeting women and marginalized groups with comments such as “your body my choice.”
It’s no surprise, then, that many young Black women navigating the dating scene have started to advocate for an American version of the South Korean feminist framework known as the 4B movement.
If this hasn’t popped on your FYP yet, the 4B movement encourages women to abstain from romantic relationships, sex, marriage, and even motherhood.
If you want to know where young American women are at, the Google search term interest for the 4b movement says it all. (It’s a South Korean term for women who swear off sex, marriage and childbirth with men) pic.twitter.com/qKZCiHIqrX
— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) November 6, 2024
And although Black men overwhelmingly voted for Vice President Kamala Harris, the widespread attack on women’s rights, especially reproductive justice, has forced many Black women to rethink their dating goals, with some opting to forgo romantic relationships altogether.
Now, if you’re not aware, Trump’s administration is purported to have developed Project 2025—a 900-page conservative wish list published by The Heritage Foundation.
Among its proposals are plans to erase the term “abortion” from federal rules and regulations, strip funding from providers offering reproductive care, and criminalize abortion pills using the 151-year-old Comstock Act.
These measures could have catastrophic consequences for Black women, who already receive about one-third of all abortions in the country and face a higher risk of dying from pregnancy-related complications, such as ectopic pregnancies, than white women.
Some Republican-led states are even targeting in vitro fertilization (IVF), opening a “Pandora’s Box” of challenges for Black women, who are plagued by infertility more than any other group.
So, you can see why Black women are gravitating towards joining the 4B Movement—because in a world where their bodies are constantly policed and their choices threatened, rejecting romantic relationships feels less like a statement and more like a means of survival.
“For me, men are just way too risky right now,” said Cindy Noir, a personal development speaker and content creator who’s dissected the realities of navigating marriage and relationships in an increasingly patriarchal society.
@thecindynoir Can we talk about the 4B movement? I support the girlies who are apart of it, I’m just not sure if its realistic to expect all women to engage in it #greenscreenvideo ♬ original sound – Cindy Noir✨
21st Century Dating Content Vs. Black Women
Another issue brought to light by Trump’s re-election was the wave of “arguably regressive” and “deeply nihilistic” dating content currently taking over social media.
In particular, the “alpha male” and “high-value woman” narratives that have been pushing heterosexual women to shrink themselves into smaller, meeker, and more “submissive” versions in order to attract longer-lasting relationships are now being called into question.
Content creators like The Wizard Liz, The New Trophy Wife, and the “Sprinkle-Sprinkle” lady SheraSeven have built their platform on teaching women how to attract these “high-value men” by not chasing them or sleeping with them too early, by losing weight before starting to date, or by using very “demure” behaviors and white-leaning aesthetics.
But while most of these videos come across as laughable, light-hearted, or humorous even, they carry a dangerous and subtle threat to the predominantly Black young women who consume this content at face value.
After all, financial abuse occurs in 99% of all domestic violence cases, with Black women being disproportionately affected compared to other racial groups.
The surge in this type of dating content prompted content creator and aspiring surgeon Lacey Foster to speak out and share her own dating experiences and advice, which exists on the opposite side of the spectrum.
In her video, Foster calls out Shera for some of her content, particularly the ones where she under-values women and over-values men.
@laceydfoster #stitch with @SheraSevenOfficial ♬ original sound – Lacey
Further explaining her stance to Ebony Magazine, Foster said, “I felt like all the dating content, especially when it was geared towards Black women, was saying that you have to put up with mistreatment to get a “rich man” which is extremely dangerous.”
“The perspectives are either you put up with misery and mistreatment for the money, or you get to be happy, respected, and loved – but without money. Those can’t be the only options,” she continued, adding that a lack of financial stability is just as dangerous for a Black woman in America.
“Living in the U.S without money is very difficult, and that’s a very horrible sacrifice for someone to have to make for love,” she said.
@thecindynoirA lot of this dating “advice” for Black Women just doesn’t sit well with me.♬ original sound – Cindy Noir✨
Embracing Solitude
Noir and Foster share the same sentiments when it comes to challenging existing notions surrounding Black women and dating (though they approach it in different ways). Foster by being extremely selective and Noir by choosing abstinence.
For Noir, a key part of her journey was realizing her worth outside of a traditional partnership, something she encourages all Black women to do.
“I had to unlearn the conditioning that my value was embedded in my proximity to men. I’m okay, even if I don’t marry a man,” Noir told Ebony.
But this decision wasn’t easy, as it meant letting go of a future she’s been programmed to desire since birth.
“There is a definite grief you experience where you realize maybe this fairy tale that I’ve bought into for so long may not happen for me,” she continued adding that it can often manifest itself through feelings of inadequacy.
“Maybe I’m not pretty enough, I’m not thin enough, I’m not light enough, you go through all of those things, and I’ve spent the last couple of years grieving this imaginary perfect gentleman who is self-actualized, emotionally mature, aware of society, unpacking his privilege because what if he doesn’t exist?”
But as lonely and uncomfortable as the process might seem, the peace that solitude brings makes everything worthwhile, she says.
“Once you get through those hard questions, you come out the other side and realize there wasn’t anything wrong with me; it’s the system that’s wrong. The way that love is capitalized off of is wrong, and once you get to that realization, it gets easier,” the personal development speaker added.
@thecindynoirCan we talk about how I DONT want to marry a man??
Related: Single Black Women Are Happier Than Single Black Men – New Study Shows
But There Are Black Women Still Holding On To Hope
Despite the complexities surrounding Black women and dating in today’s socio-political climate, there are still those who choose to remain hopeful.
While some, like Noir, are embracing singlehood and finding peace in rejecting traditional relationship ideals, others, like Foster, believe in being selective about their dating choices without abandoning the possibility of love altogether.
“With dating, you have to be very careful because the implications for your life and your health these days are so dire and so dangerous. All of the Black women I know are extremely impressive, and their lives would be extremely impressive, successful, and happy without a man,” she told Ebony.
Much of the content circulating online promotes a counter-narrative, portraying Black women as being “too much” or as having unrealistic expectations of their partners.
“[Black women] are so educated, so intelligent, we build great communities, we care for people—all of the facets of life that you want, we have within our community. So why would we portray the idea that we can be everything for everybody else, but no one can be anything to us?” Foster continued.
“When it comes to dating, people don’t advocate for themselves, they aren’t decisive, they aren’t sure of themselves, and there’s no reason for that. There’s nothing that a man has that you can’t give to yourself, and there’s nothing that a man can do for you that’s worth being put in a situation that’s harmful to you. There’s no grand prize worth being miserable.”
And I agree. Nothing, not even a life in Monaco or one doused in gold, is worth sacrificing your peace or your life.
So, dear young Black woman, before you follow these harmful narratives and outdated dating advice from online aunties, make sure to do some introspection – know who you really are, what you stand for, and your values and beliefs, and then stand by those values with all your might because the only way to navigate dating, and basically ever aspect in life in America right now is by staying 100% true to yourself.
