Ever built up an event in your head, only to feel a bit let down when it finally happens? Maybe that perfectly planned party wasn’t as epic as you imagined, or your dream date night turned out more ordinary than extraordinary.
In an ideal world, we’d all want our visions and dreams about something to play out exactly as we’d imagined, but that’s not the reality. In this not-so-perfect world, not every occasion will live up to your lofty expectations.
And when it doesn’t (live up to your expectations), it can feel like the entire experience is ruined. It can trigger feelings of anxiety and disappointment – a situation TikTok and best-selling author Sarah Wilson calls ‘perfect moment syndrome.’
What Is ‘Perfect Moment Syndrome?’
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Perfect Moment Syndrome or PMS (not to be confused with pre-menstrual syndrome) is a term that struck a chord among the TikTok girlies. The term, made popular by Sarah Wilsom, the Australian author of ‘First, We Make The Beast Beautiful,’ refers to a state of mind that some people hold that life should run a certain way.
This Black and White method of thinking causes people to have very high hopes regarding certain events such as birthdays, date nights, romantic getaways, or that Miami Girls’ Trip (no, we’re not done talking about these yet.
People envision their birthdays being the happiest they’ll ever be, that the romantic getaway to Seychelles will play out like Christina Millian’s movie Resort To Love, or that a long-awaited date night with your partner will bring you guys closer together.
But then the birthday goes South (Kristie and Christie re-ignite their feud), the trip to Seychelles becomes more of a nightmare than a relaxing moment, and that date night ends up in tears than giggles and googly eyes, but instead of laughing it off, your heightening expectations lead to an overwhelming sense of anxiety, rage, and disappointment.
How And Why Perfect Moment Syndrome Happens
While ‘Perfect Moment Syndrome’ might sound like optimism or a positive manifestation,’ it’s one dangerous way to think.
When you obsess over and anticipate that a particular event (like Christmas or Thanksgiving, for example) will play out a certain way (in this case, perfect to a tee), any minor hiccup that upsets your vision of the event derails your entire mood.
You set the bar so high you leave so much room for disappointment and to feel like the experience you had or will have been ‘as should have been.’
And while ‘Perfect Moment Syndrome’ is normal, setting strict expectations of happiness or fulfillment about certain events can lead to greater sadness.
As licensed clinical psychologist Kamran Eshtehardi, Ph.D., put it, ‘The reason why ‘Perfect Moment Syndrome’ so consistently leads to hurt and distress is because it’s literally impossible for everything to go perfectly all the time.’
In fact, people who often struggle with this are more often than not scanning for issues or shortcomings because they have a history of feeling like things go awry for them, and they expect the trend to continue.
The negative energy and vibes are just a self-fulfilling prophecy.
How To Get Over Perfect Moment Syndrome In 2024
So, how do you ensure that PMS isn’t affecting your life this beautiful year? You consider the following tips:
Life Is Colorful – Black & White Gridlines Only Exist In Sci-fi Movies (OK, MS Office)
The reason you get so disappointed when things don’t go a certain way is because you have a rigid mindset around that situation.
So, what if it rained during your picnic? How about making it a ‘The Notebook’ moment (I still can’t get over that kissing in the rain scene ?)? Oh, did you get lost in Seychelles? Girl, your guardian angel might just be showing you some hidden gems (that’ll gain you thousands of followers and likes on IG).
Having a more flexible outlook allows you to pivot when things don’t go your way, which in turn enables you to salvage situations quickly.
Priorities, Priorities, Priorities, Hun
What’s more important to you? Is it that the cake turns out precisely as your Pinterest board shows, or is it that the playlist doesn’t mix up the 90s jam with the Coco Jones 2023 playlist?
You have to consider what matters to you more. That way, you avoid getting caught up in whether the décor is hung 90 degrees or if the food arrives on time.
Slow Down A Little, Sis
Most of us are currently struggling with instant gratification. That, coupled with the need for everything to have a perfect outcome, can give you constant anxiety.
But when you slow down and take things in as they are, you’ll start considering the small things happening in your life. *Cues in ‘Little Life’ by Cordelia*.
This way, even when things don’t play out perfectly, you don’t go down the same spirally ‘Perfect Moment Syndrome’ road.
Comparison Is The Thief Of Joy
in the era of social media, we’re used to seeing everyone posting their highs, and for some, this might seem like the standard.
The problem comes when you compare a person’s highs online with your daily life. Most people don’t live flamboyantly every day, and it’s a disservice to yourself to think you’re failing by not achieving perfection.
It might be challenging to turn off the need to turn every experience into a fairy tale, but for the sake of your sanity, take a step back, breathe in, and let things unfold just as they are every now and again.
