Receiving any type of message about your partner acting anything other than faithful is shocking and shameful, and the “Hey, Girlie” DM we’d all like to avoid is the icing on the “embarrassment” cake, to be honest.
That’s because it’s honestly just another person—stranger or acquaintance—basically “coming to you as a woman” to let you know your significant other is doing the absolute most and it probably involves them.
The DM can be as tame as “Hey girl, I kissed your boyfriend at the bar and didn’t know he was taken. So sorry!” to flat out finding out that your man is actually somebody else’s husband and you’re actually the side chick. Ouch!
Whatever the scenario is, “Hey Girlie” DMs are not fun for anyone! Dramatic, yes. But certainly not fun. If you just got a DM or even thinking about sending one yourself, here are a few things you need to know first.
When you’re the one receiving the “Hey Girlie”— Stay classy, open-minded, and real with yourself.
Getting a message about your man acting a fool is not cool. Period. In all honesty, it sucks that someone else had to tell you about your partner’s bad behavior because they couldn’t be adult enough to act right.
However, it happens and we can’t pretend like you won’t ever get a message because sis, one day you just might. So, in the event you do get Hey Girlie’d, what do you do? Well, there are a few guidelines:
- Be mindful of the source. It’s likely that you don’t even know the person sending you a DM, so blindly believing hurtful info from a stranger about the person you’re romantically linked to isn’t the smartest.So, do some research! If they’ve added you on social media, look through their page and get a good feel of who they are, if they’re actually real, and what their intentions may be. Accept what they’re saying because, after all, it may be true— but stay as objective as possible.
- Be respectful despite your feelings. A cheating partner would make anyone wanna pop off! And girl, those feelings are completely valid. However, staying calm and respectful when answering these types of messages is key to getting the information you need.If you end up cussing out the person sending the DM or jumping the gun and coming at your partner spicy before you even get to the bottom of it, you may miss a big opportunity to get the whole truth. In other words, don’t let your emotions play you out of the benefits of using your head in this moment.
- Gather us much detail as possible. When the time comes to confront your partner about what they did, you’ll need some evidence to back you up. They may lie and in that case, “he say, she say” means nothing. If the person sending the DM is willing to give you a helping hand, collect as much data from them as possible. Screenshots of DMs, pictures, and hell, even legal documents—having it all works in your favor.
- Don’t stay connected. They are not your friend and this isn’t some win for women’s solidarity! Once the interaction is done, make sure you limit the access they have to your life and personal information, just to avoid any additional drama created in the future.The goal here is to protect yourself and even your relationship, if you please. So don’t take that “Hey Girlie” to heart—it was an easy way to sugarcoat something unpleasant.
When you’re the one sending the “Hey Girlie”— Be for real! What’s the goal and is it necessary?
Sometimes we find out that we are, in fact, the other woman. And when we’re armed with this information, we have the opportunity to keep it to ourself or put ourselves in the position of the “Hey Girlie” sender. Whew.
Now, sending the message is different than receiving the message because you only have to consider 1 or 2 things. I mean, another person’s relationship isn’t your responsibility but it can be in certain circumstances.
- How serious is it? Was the connection you made with this person worth inserting yourself in drama that may upend or cause waves in a relationship? A kiss you initiated at the club vs unknowingly being in a 2-year long relationship with a married man are obviously very different circumstances. Before you go spilling every detail to their significant other, ask yourself if it’s even necessary and would the revelation of certain information cause more harm than good.
- What are you trying to achieve? The endgame is everything here because intentions do matter. If you’re telling on a former lover simply because your upset, jealous, or seeking revenge, spilling the tea on what happened between y’all to a current partner is probably not the best idea. However, if you think giving them the gift of “Hey Girlie” will save them from further committing to someone that is doing them wrong in more ways then one, perhaps doing the messy work isn’t a bad idea.
