Being ghosted is one of the most difficult forms of rejection because it robs us of the very thing we try so hard to get when we know a relationship is coming to a natural end: closure. And that’s mostly because we had no clue the connection was on the rocks and about to end so abruptly, anyway.
The most hurtful aspect of ghosting is that it doesn’t give us a chance to do anything. We can’t work to save the connection or plead our case. We can’t sit down and mutually decide to go our separate ways. Hell, we can’t even be petty and end the connection before they do.
Simply put, being ghosted hurts your feelings, bruises your ego, and momentarily takes away your power in a way that really throws you off your game.
So, what do you do? If you’ve permanently left on read by your boo, here’s how you handle it.
Process what just happened before you let it go.
It’s so easy to claim that you’re fine and don’t really need anybody when someone does you dirty, but the truth is, sometimes that’s just a defense mechanism. Being ghosted hurts. And no matter how hard you try to avoid facing those hurt feelings, you’ll have to do it if you truly want to move forward.
Now this doesn’t mean sulking for months on end, but it does mean allowing yourself to go through the various emotions you’re going to feel during this time and accept the challenge of not judging yourself for having any of them.
It may be difficult, but on the bright side, you’ll come out of the end of it knowing that you processed everything and can now move forward with a completely clean slate if you so choose.
Pondering the “why” is OK, but don’t let it consume you.
The desire to know “why” is cut from the same cloth as the desire to get closure at the end of a relationship. We want answers because we think it’ll make some things make more sense and even make some of those hurt feelings fade away.
The harsh truth is, you may never get the answers you want from the person who ghosted you. However, this doesn’t mean you won’t be able to provide yourself with answers.
Revisiting situations where you could’ve missed the signs, or thinking on all the qualities they had that you actually didn’t like, is a good way to detach from your feelings and think clearly about the situation. In moderation, of course.
Because let’s be completely clear: thinking too much about this situation may cause you to spiral. So make sure you put your big girl pants on and move with a healthy amount of emotional intelligence.
Get out of your phone and into yourself.
Oh how torturous it is to sit by a phone and wait for a call, a text, or a notification to pop up. Some of us want a full blown explanation of why they ghosted, while others just want them to say “Hi” one last time. The communication we desire from them, if any, is definitely on a spectrum.
And whether or not you want to hear from this minute or never hear from them again, one thing is certain: It’s probably a good idea to sit your phone down for a moment and just breathe.
Breathe, go outside, hang out with your friends, binge watch your favorite TV shows. Do something to release your self from the shackles of constantly checking your phone. A little self care ain’t hurt nobody, and this is definitely the time to indulge in some TLC toward yourself.