These days, it seems like everyone is always busy and on the move trying to catch up with deadlines, showing up to every friend’s hangout, and still maintaining a semblance of sanity. The hamster race that’s life can leave you drained and in serious need of a time-out.
And while everyone and their mother is all about self-care these days, prioritizing your needs goes deeper than just scented candles, sound baths, and long walks. Putting yourself first requires much more effort, and these six tips can help you start on this journey.
Squash The Comparison Syndrome
Hands up if you belong to this camp. You know, the camp that constantly compares itself to its cousins, classmates, and every (same-age-grouped) influencer on the planet.
As it turns out, social media is the thief of joy and confidence in the 21st Century. And many people are struggling with depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem from it. But what most of us forget is that most people only post carefully curated versions of themselves and tiny highlights of their lives.
They don’t show you how their marriages are falling apart, how lonely they are, and the financial struggles they’ve been going through. For most, social media is just a flex – a fake flex. So please stop killing your goals, joy, and confidence by comparing yourself to them.
Society also brings its own pressures to have your life look a certain way by a certain age. First, there’s no set age by which you need to make a million dollars, cart around five perfect children, or own five-bedroom mansions.
Shoving aside the unrealistic expectations will allow you to analyze your life, not to mention prioritize yourself and your needs. But that’s not also to say that you shouldn’t or can’t dream big and push yourself to achieve your dreams. We’re saying that you shouldn’t dig yourself into a hole doing it.
Slow Down And Be Present
Now, if you’re a millennial, the idea of slowing down might seem like a luxury –something the rich would tell you so you don’t overtake them.
Because how on earth are you expected to slow down when you’ve got a 401(k) staring down the empty barrel of your account? How do you slow down when the mortgage company threatens to evict you soon? And how in the world can you slow down when your baby daddy is all about ‘em deposits, but withdrawing and monthly contributions is where he draws the line?
Well, sis, as tricky and world-shaking as it might seem, sometimes slowing down might be your best option.
When you take a moment to breathe (or even nap), you give yourself the chance to recalibrate. It’s like hitting the reset button on a chaotic video game, allowing you to approach challenges with a refreshed perspective.
Sure, the financial pressures and personal responsibilities won’t magically disappear, but intentionally slowing down creates space for clarity and better decision-making. It’s the ultimate paradox – taking a step back to move forward.
Set Your Non-Negotiables
As part of your Black Girl morning routine, sit down in silence for five minutes and figure out what you must do for yourself daily.
Like ‘what minimum non-negotiables must happen for you to start your day on the right foot?’ These might include like, but aren’t limited to:
- Meditating and saying your affirmations
- Consuming a healthy and heavy breakfast
- Listening to your go-to ‘pump it’ playlist
- Sharing your plans or recounting your dreams with your partner or best friend
- Saying a quick ‘bless the day’ prayer
Evaluate Those Around You
We’re always told you are the sum total of the five people you’re constantly around. If you regularly hang out with people who put negative pressure on you, undermine your decisions, and enable your bad habits, then you need new friends.
To prioritize yourself, you must ensure that you hang around people whose goals and values align with yours.
Yes, this might sound cliché, but you can’t expect to thrive if you’re always around people who drain your energy. You’ll be like a healthy tomato plant growing among weeds.
Make No Your New Self-Love Language
While we’re still on the subject of friends, you also need to learn the art of saying ‘NO!’
Yes, Sheila, it would be a shame to miss Stella’s baby shower, but my mental and financial health are my first priorities. So, No, I won’t be showing up. But I’ll send my love to her and hers.
No mum. I would really like to help you with the renovations, but I am behind my own mortgage payments, so no. Not this time.
I love you, honey, but every time your sister comes over, she always finds a way to f**k up our mood. So, this time, I am saying no. My mental health can’t take another hit.
These are just examples, but how good is it to hear someone prioritize themselves and their needs? It’s powerful. Well, you too can do it by simply making no your new-found self-love language.
Oh, you don’t need to explain yourself like I’ve done. No is a complete sentence, and you don’t owe anyone an explanation.
Let Go Of The Guilt
Imagine guilt as a bunch of helium balloons tied to your wrist, pulling you down with every pang of conscience.
Now, picture yourself grabbing a pin and popping those guilt balloons one by one. Letting go of guilt is like freeing yourself from unnecessary burdens.
Those balloons might be filled with societal expectations, self-imposed pressures, or the need to please everyone around you. As each balloon bursts, visualize the weight lifting off your shoulders.
You’re not being selfish; you’re reclaiming your right to happiness. So, let go of guilt, watch those balloons float away, and embrace the uplifting feeling of self-love.
Related: How To Set Healthy Boundaries Without Guilt – According To Your Favorite Wellness Gurus
One Word: Therapy
We’re millennials. We are self-aware enough to know we need therapy but somehow can’t comprehend opening up to a total stranger. Not to mention, we can’t afford it with everything happening in our lives.
First of all, therapy might sound scary (it’s practically admitting you have issues), but it can be the difference between leading a healthy and happy future and a sad, self-loathing one. Secondly, is it not better to talk to a stranger (who is sworn not to disclose any of your information) than to your hypocritical friends? Plus, a stranger is more likely to be upfront with you than a friend, right?
Lastly, there are hundreds of cheap therapy options right now. So you don’t have to worry about breaking the bank. Do a quick search online, and you’ll find one that caters to your pockets while giving you the help you desperately need. It’s one of the best ways to ensure you prioritize and put yourself first.
