Let’s play a game.
Would you rather save the world from an alien attack or answer a phone call?
Millennials: Save the world from alien attack, any day, any time. Phone calls? Yikes! Even the thought of it gives us anxiety.
Despite witnessing the evolution of the internet and mobile phones, millennials, born between 1981 and 1996, would still rather make all their plans and communicate via text or email over picking a phone call.
In romantic relationships, this means that almost all communication, from playful banter to heartfelt confessions, is conducted through text, often adorned with emojis for added flair.
We get it. Texting is convenient and allows you to respond at your convenience. But then, what happens when tensions arise? When conflicts brew and emotions run high, does the convenience of texting hinder authentic communication between partners?
Enter: fexting.
What Is Fexting?
Fexting, while this may not be a word many of us are familiar with, is definitely something that the majority have been involved in.
Fexting is fighting over text, and for a generation that communicates almost solely via texts, millennials are pretty proficient in it. Also, remember that sending videos, voice notes, or memes to convey your frustrations falls under this category.
For those who are still a little lost, fexting involves:
- Making rude, snarky, or sarcastic comments;
- Angry or hurtful messages;
- Name-calling;
- Paragraphs on paragraphs of complaints;
- Hiding behind passive-aggressive accusations;
- Ignoring messages and leaving the other person on read;
This list isn’t conclusive, especially considering that people tend to express frustration and anger differently, but it gives a glimpse of what fexting is all about.
What Fexting Means For Millennial Relationships
A reasonable amount of conflict is normal in relationships and even considered healthy because, let’s face it, you cannot agree on everything.
Fexting can be beneficial and detrimental for relationships, and before you shake your head in disagreement, hear us out.
The Pros Of Fexting
More Time To Think Through Responses – with texts, you have time to think about your responses. This is critical because it can allow you to rephrase your statements and reduce the level of hurt conveyed.
Time To Properly Process Emotions – unlike phone calls or one-on-one conversations, texts allow you to take a breather and respond when your emotions are more regulated.
Fexting Offers Proof – this is a bit of a catch-22 because ‘receipts’ can be used to your advantage or against you. However, if you have been struggling with a particular issue and have reached a point where you need third-party help, the back-and-forth texts can be used as proof.
The Cons Of Fexting
Higher Chances Of Miscommunication – while you can read into a person’s tone via text, your conclusion may not be accurate. This is because while texting, you can’t see body language or even hear the tone of voice, leaving room for miscommunication. And while your partner may have simply made a statement during the argument, you may read into it as an accusation.
Time Taken Between Responses Can Be Read Into – If your partner is typically an instant responder if they start taking time between responses, especially during an argument, this can be interpreted as ignoring you. This can cause you to obsess over the issue, and you are ready to blow by the time they respond.
Are There Better Alternatives To Conflict Resolution?
While fexting is considered a semi-healthy way to resolve issues in relationships, there are some other methods you can incorporate to make sure that your relationship doesn’t implode because your partner sent you that mean text. These include:
Including Video Calls During Misunderstandings – this can be ideal for couples in a long-distance relationship or with conflicting work schedules. Seeing the other person during an argument might be the last thing you want to do. However, via video call, you’ll be able to see their body language and pay attention to their tone of voice, which helps de-escalate an argument that was going off the rails in the text.
Talking Things Over IRL – ideally, it is always best to solve your issues with your boo in person. Agree on how you’ll handle misunderstandings and set time aside to check in on the other person regularly. This is something you need to do as early in the relationship as possible since it helps prevent a buildup of frustration that can be apocalyptically bad when triggered.
In all honesty, it would be delusional to assume that millennials will stop fexting. With that in mind, watch your language carefully and take deep inhales between texts.
