When it comes to dating in the 21st Century, listing off your pet peeves, turn-offs, and deal breakers is almost effortless.
Maybe you retreat to your cocoon of singledom at the mere hint of mind games, or perhaps you instinctively swipe left on anyone who sags their pants, rocks one dirty old earring, or even wears sunglasses in the club at night.
While some of these icks and deal breakers stem from past experiences and personal preferences, others are unhealthy, toxic, and relationship-ending red flags.
But…and hear me out…even with the large number of people walking around waving red flags from here to Timbuktu, there are still some high-quality singles out there owning their traumas, doing some incredible shadow work, and waving major green flags.
And I know reality TV isn’t the best point of reference (because three-quarters of what we see is scripted), but the latest season of Love Is Blind (season 4) left me wanting to find partners like Brett Brown.
Not only did this man discount all the stereotypes about Black men and vulnerability, but he also displayed all the qualities every grown woman looks for in a long-term partner (Tiffany Pennywell is one lucky lass).
So, if you’ve been trying to figure out what green flags to look for in a partner or want to know why the internet can’t stop talking about Love Is Blind season four, skip the tea and Netflix re-runs and scroll down to learn about the seven times Brett Brown proved he was a walking green flag (and maybe know how to spot your own)
When Brett Showcased Extreme Self-Awareness
One of the most intriguing things about watching Brett and Tiffany’s encounter is their self-awareness.
Unlike other couples that didn’t know what they were searching for (Zack and Irina, okay, mostly Irina), Brett knew he was there for a purpose and didn’t waste any time telling Tiffany that. He wanted a partner and an equal, and Tiff fit the bill perfectly.
Brett was also very honest about his story and was vulnerable right off the bat. He told Tiffany about his brother dying days before his wedding and expressed how that made him hyper-aware of his mortality. It was deep.
And the best thing is that Tiffany validated his feelings rather than saying something mindless about them (like, “Don’t worry,” “Nothing like that will happen to you,” or “I feel you”).
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When He Lent An Ear To Tiffany
Not many people have this quality (I struggled with it at some point), but Brett made it look easy.
When Tiff had a hard time adjusting to their new way of life (living together with a man she had met a week and a half ago) and the stress of wedding planning, rather than waving her off or saying something very “jerky,” Brett consoled her.
He listened as she poured her heart out and comforted her. Validation people! That’s a significant green flag.
And after that, the Design Director organized a surprise engagement shoot to help ease her burden. That’s an excellent example of a partner who genuinely cares about their significant other’s feelings and wants to do what they can to make them feel better.
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When Brett Showed Respect To Everyone Around Him
When Brett saw Tiffany might have been feeling down (she was lying on the couch feeling a bit low), he respectfully asked if he could join her. He didn’t immediately insert himself in her space but asked for her consent, which is a major green flag.
If you struggle with anxiety, you know the last thing you need when you’re down and feeling shitty is someone pressing themselves up in your space.
Then during their suit tailoring incident, rather than chewing the seamstress’ head off, Brett exercised patience and respect. How someone treats service workers, a waitress, valet, or flight attendants says everything about them. Yes, he was firm, but he was also extremely polite and understanding.
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When He Meshed Well With Almost All Of His Housemates
Apart from his incredible relationship with Tiff (again, balling with envy here ?), Brett’s relationship with Marshall was terrific.
From how he opened up to Marshall about his feelings for Tiffany and listened to Marshall when he thought some guys in the house were shifty, this man was ticking all the freakin’ green flag columns!
Later, when Jackie’s and Marshall’s relationship devolved, causing her to skip the dress fitting, it wasn’t the dental assistant who let Marshall know she was a no-show. It was Brett.
Tiffany texted him to let him know (which I must say was very admirable on Tiff’s part), and then Brett decided to let Marshall know about that rather than keeping it to himself.
“Just letting you know so you’re not blindsided by anything,” he said to Marshall.
And then Marshall insisted on being there for Brett on his wedding day to Tiff despite dealing with a heartbreak. That proves that Brett was worth showing up and the strength of the bond they formed during the entire process.
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When Brett Was Willing To Compromise
Whenever the subject of compromise in relationships comes up, many people freeze up or cringe at the idea of it.
But when Tiffany and Brett talked about moving together, Brett was willing to compromise and move to a bigger house so that Tiffany could get space for work and her belongings.
That was just so satisfying to watch!
And don’t get me wrong. Tiffany also compromised. Moving from Seattle to Portland was a huge compromise on her part. But some things are easy to do, especially with the right person.
Most men (from stories I’ve heard) give you a drawer, ask you to place all your stuff in one room/corner, or even request you to place them in a storage container.
Brett handled it with grace and maturity, which is sexy asf!
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When He Understood Tiffany’s Love Language
Don’t quote me now, but I think Tiffany’s love language might be words of affirmation.
Why? Because I am good with reading people (yes, even on TV), and a fellow words of affirmation sucker. Plus, Tiffany always got all teary whenever Brett opened up to her and kept singing her praises.
He complimented her every chance he got and had our girl up in her feelings, which was incredible.
Another thing I loved about Brett was the fact that he wasn’t hypocritical. He acted around Tiffany the same way he acted around the guys. He didn’t say anything nasty about her behind her back.
In fact, when he was talking to Kwame and Marshall and going on about his history with the word “love,” he went on to express that he didn’t want Tiffany ever to question his feelings towards her. He wanted her to wake up every day and not have to ask him if he was into her.
No cap; that was a major green flag!
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When He And Tiff Had A Conversation About Finances
Now, we know Bougie Brett loves his $1200 luggage and high-quality equipment, but from his talk with Tiffany, we know he is also not one to spend without a plan.
He might splurge on a few items, but he seems like a guy who saves his doh and invests it in 401Ks and other federally-approved investment plans.
The last thing you want to do is get into a relationship with someone who is financially irresponsible because, whether you like it or not, that’ll affect you and your relationship.
I also loved how Tiff and Brett had an understanding that it doesn’t always have to be 50-50 (Brett even offered to pay 70%) and that they don’t like/want to be told what they can and can’t do with their money.
That was goals! Everything about them was just goals on goals!
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Watching Brett and Tiffany was the biggest highlight of Love Is Blind this year.
And while we know it might have all been scripted (what if it was all an act?), we love how Netflix decided to feature Black men who are in touch with their feminine energy (nurturing, vulnerable, loving, and all the nice things) and weren’t afraid to own that space. That was so satisfying to watch!
And now that you know what to look for in a partner, we hope you find your own Brett or someone who scores big in the green flag department like Tiff did!
